SOTU Liveblog

6:08 PM: Everybody got your drinking games prepared? Who will be the camera hog as POTUS approaches the podium?

6:12: Al Sharpton is old.Tweety is possibly drunk, as always. Late breaking no doy! You don’t say!

6:14: Haha, John Boehner is so miserable. Every time he reluctantly stands, take a shot! Every time he cries, finish the bottle!

6:17: Starting off with foreign policy, didn’t see that coming

6:20: Pelosi, Warren, Biden, and Waters all serving Power Purple realness

6:19: Al Franken! Did you know he can draw a map of the US from memory? Like, flawlessly?

6:23: Clearly, POTUS has been taking notes from Explainer-in-Chief Clinton.

6:24: Tax reform! The kids LOVE THAT stuff!

6:28: Oh snap, he just called out manufactured crises in general and the debt ceiling nonsense specifically. Democrats go wild! Republicans look like they are holding back farts.

6:30: Tim Cook, your most memorable feature is that you are not Steve Jobs. But thanks for bringing back manufacturing, that FoxConn situation was a hot mess.

6:34: Nobody will ever convince me that Henry Waxman is not a cartoon mouse transformed into a human by a powerful, benevolent wizard.

6:35: Climate change! OMG finally. Thank the sweet baby Jesus. Now – policies? “Bi-partisan market-based solution” doesn’t actually mean anything. But, an executive order? Hey now. HEY now.

6:45: Listening to second half of the SOTU on the radio on the way home. I miss Joe Biden and John Boehner’s ridiculous expressions.

Education reform! I am surprised by the scope of this speech, he is swinging for the fences and flattering the red states while he’s at it. This is legit making my bleeding heart sing.

6:49: Yes. For-profit scam schools need to get handled.

6:50: Immigration reform! Violence Against Women Act! Paycheck Fairness Act! Big ups to Joey B, a series of less-than-subtle digs at Congress!

6:53: Raising the minimum wage and tying it to cost of living? You must mean CLASS WARFARE. Get up in there, Bam Bam.

6:57: Long, significant chunk of foreign policy. Symbolically, the radio cut out and I could only catch “Afghanistan…al Qaeda…drawdown…cyberterrorism…trade agreements…eff you, Assad…always stand strong with Israel…” So obviously, I assume that means all our problems are solved and handled.

7:08: Gay soldiers! Women in combat! Voting suppression! GUN CONTROL! Somebody got his swagger back like whoa – bringing the police chiefs into it is a really, really smart move.

7:11: Powerful repetition. “It deserves a vote.” Gabby Giffords, Aurora, Newtown, Oak Creek, on and on, deserve a vote. Emotional/rhetorical heart of this speech.

7:15: Classic liberal message: we don’t have to achieve perfection, but we have to attempt improvement. This was a ballsy, ambitious speech from a president with a very serious agenda in his lame-duck term, cobbled together with a goodish number of meaningless platitudes around some pretty significant policy; global warming, gun control, immigration AND education reform.